How-To Arrive, Survive, & Exit the City of Sin

Arrival: Planning is key. I myself am not skilled int his area of life. I prefer to follow the currents rather than swim in them. If you find yourself similar to me, travel with a friend who likes to organize the plan. This will allow you to fly into Vegas, meet the rest of your party and be swept out of the airport in a Cadillac Escalade. Have your driver zip over to a liquor store for some survival liquids i.e. Asti, Gin, Cherry vodka and mixers. Your driver will then escort you back to your ride with your party box of booze in tow off you your fabulous hotel.

Survival: Once you’ve arrived in your room on the 25th floor overlooking lights and the pool, pop that Asti and enjoy your penthouse lifestyle bumpin bassy jams on the sound system until security comes up to scold you. Nothin gets you ready to pull an all-nighter like 808s and pelvic thrust dance moves practiced in front of your friends.
Vegas is an adult playground with sights, sounds, and tastes accommodating a wide range of people. It doesn’t matter what you see, or what shame you bring upon yourself; just remember to do 3 things during your trip. 1. Brush your teeth. This is vital to your personal hygiene, social interaction, and possibly the only time you’ll ingest water. So take this opportunity to hydrate. 2. Eat something. Vegas has tons of cheap meals for the dancer/gambler/alcoholic on the go. So spend $6.99 for a steak dinner or buffet. The dollar menu has nothing on the value of Vegas eats. 3. Change your underwear. Your mother was right, this is another vital moment to seize control of odors you may not have the fortitude to notice after 24 hours of drinking, dancing and gambling. Don’t be “that guy” who smells used up and unlucky.

Exit: You can leave this town in two different frames of mind. A. I am over-stimulated and need to the hell out! B. I want to do/see/gamble just a little bit more! My friend and I chose the latter. We wanted to take our time leaving. We were so casual about exiting we arrived at the airport past the 45 minute buffer time they set for tardy passengers, in order to have ample time to get through security and arrive at the gate. After finding out the next flight was 6 hours later and we’d be arriving home the following day, plan B was quickly activated. Be assigned a standby seat on the next flight and run like hell to try to make our originally booked one. Que the crazy Benny Hill theme song and throwing of luggage onto conveyor belts, stripping to get through security faster and prove we aren’t terrorists. Our frantic behavior was obviously some kind of red flag which put us into the extra special search line where they rifle through your shit in front of everyone. By the time we had everything zipped back up we were off, adrenaline pumping and sands slipping faster and faster through the hour-glass. We must have run one mile towing luggage and backpacks up escalators, onto trains, down moving walk-ways and weaving in and out of non-tardy travelers. Now let me pause to remind you of the rules to follow during the survival: brush your teeth; eat something; and change your underwear. I brushed my teeth to erase the booze scent from my breath; I ate a hot dog and a drank a miller lite all for $3; and I must’ve changed my underwear twice a day. At this point I was out of underwear and clean clothes all together. So our obstacle filled run happened without panties and in dirty jeans. I AM THAT GUY. When we reached the gate to find our flight was still there and hadn’t even began to board, we were a hot mess. Sweaty, shaky, red-faced examples of travelers. My friend requested some of my diabetic goods to correct her shakes, and my ass was so swampy I needed to stand “at ease” to allow a breeze into the legs of my dirty jeans. We got on that plane so ready to leave Vegas in our wake. It’s amazing how you can feel one way at one moment and completely switch your mindset to the opposite opinion in less than 20 minutes. Fuck you Sin City…I miss you already!!

Published in: on October 6, 2010 at 10:28 pm  Comments (1)  
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  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jessica Flamingo, Rachel Blau. Rachel Blau said: How-To Arrive, Survive, & Exit the City of Sin: […]

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