Cure for the Common Cold

Well after many weeks of “willing sickness away” I finally got a cold.  The same thing happens every time I get sick.  My throat hurts, my ears hurt, and there’s mucus coming out of every oraphis in my body.  Gross? Yes, but it’s true, and I know you’ve all been there as well.

As a child I think I had strep throat approximately 37,087 times.  I got some wicked tonsils and can hock a loogie like a grunting, neanderthal male.  While I am thankful to be over these bad times; and even happier to have built a strong immune defense to strep, I’m sad that I can’t build a wall to the common cold.

All I am left to do is treat symptoms.  Hot showers, tea, chicken soup, water, hot toddies, steam, humidifiers, neti pots, and ear canal irrigation.  The last two have become extreme measures to take when other home remedies fall short of relief.  It’s bad enough that we blow our noses and cough up phlegm, but to flush it out in mass quantities?  Shit just got real.

This morning I awoke with such an astronomical pain in my ears, that I called the doctor for an appointment, and immediately turned the water on as hot as possible to get some steam through my head.  After the steam regimen I needed to alleviate the pain in my ears and swab.  I know this is not what you are supposed to do, because it will make it worse, but I was in dire straights people.  Four double-sided q-tips later and my ear felt much needed relief and I zipped to the doctors.  After getting a look at me, she decided to irrigate the other ear.  Have you had this done before?  It’s a flush of water into your canals.  I imaging the same process could be done with a super soaker at home.  After this process I stood up and lost my balance, grabbing for a chair to stabilize myself.  My ear wax was throwing off my equilibrium.  I think I will have nightmares about monsters made of earwax, talking in muffled tones to me.  Laughing slow and loud in to my deaf ears while I’m forced to balance on an unsteady gymnastic beam.

No but really, it was scary and gross.  Now all I’m left with is soup to heal my wounds.  I’ve been alternating between chicken and Jjam Bong.  I’ve always heard that chicken fat is Jewish penicillin, and the other one is spicy and clears out nasal passages with steam and heat.  Hopefully my dreams will be irrigated from any monsters and I’ll wake up feeling clear.

Jjam Bbong



Published in: on April 6, 2011 at 4:46 pm  Comments (3)  

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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Ha- the Google ad at the bottom of this entry is for Omnaris nasal spray. Way to go, keywords!

    • all those SEO books from the library are totally paying off!

  2. Hope you feel better soon 😀

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